Where is my unshakeable trust?!?

Well we did it...we made it LA. We drove across this great land of ours and arrived safe and sound in our new home. Here is the last picture of us as we drove away from our apartment in cold and rainy Jersey City! What a journey we were in for!

Our week on the road went so incredibly fast, and for the most part we had to keep reminding ourselves that we were MOVING permanently, we felt like we were in a constant state of vacation. My husband is a National Park enthusiast (and I've become one) and so our route was planned with stops to see family, friends, and all the National Parks and Sites we could take in. First of all let me just say that if you ever have a chance to drive across this country...DO IT!  It's absolutely brilliant! I knew there were gems in our country, but seeing them up close and personal was humbling. I'm sharing a few of my favorite photos from the trip that I took. Check out the gallery at the end of the blog.

We've been here now almost three weeks and it feels like so much life has happened. So much adjusting and change. So much is so wonderful and so good about being here! For me the biggest change has been a complete shift in schedule. When I left NY I was teaching 20 regular group classes a week, plus seeing private yoga and reiki clients. I was whooped. My schedule kept me moving at a pace that I didn't fully realize was starting to wear me down a bit. Because I love teaching so much, that love really was the gas for my engine. In reality my own yoga practice was beginning to suffer. I was finding less time to actually practice in the way I knew I needed to in order to be challenged and to get into my own body.  My social life was quite non existent, and my time at home was spent doing admin or planning work. Looking back over these few short weeks I could see that I was headed to that place we call burn out. It happens to everyone, and in the yoga world it happens quite often. Teaching is hard on so many levels, but it's also rewarding.

For me the past few weeks have been a time of deep inner work. That kind of inner work that is hard, sometimes unpleasant, sometimes painful, and the kind of deep investment you make into yourself that you pray will pay off.  I wish I could say I've enjoyed just sleeping in every day and laying by the pool. And yes I have done a bit of catching up on sleep and I am enjoying the fact that I have a pool and hot tub in my building. But there's a current that's running beneath me that is propelling me into action. I am ready to move forward but want to do so with more clarity. This is tricky for me because I tend to be an over achiever in some ways--or I guess I should be honest and just say I tend to be a perfectionist. In some ways it serves me but in other ways it's like a really annoying co-worker who you know is really good at their job and when you need them you can go to them and they'll give you ALL the information you need but they don't know when to shut up.  So my work has simply been...

1. Get onto the mat!  I've been practicing every single day that I've been here. I haven't practiced every single day in a while. And not just my own home practice but getting my ass to a studio and getting on the mat with a teacher who has something to say. I'm so blessed to be able to practice now with one of my greatest teachers, Kate Duyn. She is absolutely brilliant and has so many years of experience. You trust her, you know that she is speaking her truth, and you know that she has your back.  Her classes are hard. I am always challenged...I'm always wondering if I'm going to ever be able to do certain postures she is teaching....this is good for me. This is good for my ego. I realized I got stuck in comfort...it was easy for me to stay within the confines of my home practice (home practice is AMAZING and essential btw but for me it became a comfort zone). The past few weeks on my mat I have faced my darkest shit. I've seen how I have been speaking to myself, treating my body, treating my thoughts, and how easily I squirm from discomfort. It's not pleasant to be in this space...I want to be perfect...I want to "GET" it...but for now I'm living in this place of WHERE I AM is WHERE I AM and that's OK.  I'm like that scientist just gathering evidence...watching how my mind operates. Learning how we speak to ourselves is crucial...it's sometimes fucking painful...but if we face it we can move forward through the fire that we ourselves have the ability to slowly extinguish. And I'm starting to put out some fires that have been burning for many years. 

2. SLOW the FUCK down! Holy shit guys...I'm a yogi, yoga teacher, Reiki Master, Spiritual person...I've got all the tools...but WOW I was moving fast in my life. The constant current of anxiety flowing through me just to get somewhere on time, or to finish typing an email, or to answer a text can be insane! The pace here on the west coast is slower...and that certainly allows me to have the space to see my own dysfunctional speed. Wow...there is NO reason (unless it's life or death) to move that quickly. I thought I had shed that sense of urgency years ago when I left the corporate world, but boy was I wrong. I'm taking the time now to pause and just notice when the urge to rush arises...just noticing it I'm separating that old habit from my new patterns. It's going to take some time, but I'm beginning to shake this old habit and slow things down. This includes goals too btw, and it includes putting the phone down at dinner or when you're "off."

3. Get on my knees and cultivate UNSHAKEABLE TRUST! There's something jarring the moment you realize that the life you have built over the past 11 years has completely shifted. That you now in some ways are wiping the slate clean. It's exciting at first, but after a few days it hits and you suddenly realize that EXPANSION (Which you so desperately want) is going to take time, trust, change, and work.  Part of this trust comes from knowing that you have 11 years of experience behind your back....you've been there, done that, and you know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But now you have a new set of circumstances that demand that you actually take action. You can't just sink into the realm of the familiar anymore-if you want something done you have to do it. If you need to know something you have to ask. This is for the deep stuff as well as for the basic stuff. You have to ask yourself "what does my heart want?" When you listen and you hear you have to start to TRUST in yourself, trust in that deep inner voice, trust in the heart...no rounding and slinking back into the past--the past is far away. You have to move forward from the heart. Those kinds of answers don't come overnight. Transition is a forever thing and that's something we have to accept. This is when meditation, prayer, mantra, mudra, our practice all come into play. They are our tools to allow us to soften into the space where expansion begins. Expansion begins when we begin to release control of the knowing when/how/why and we start allowing, and allowing comes from seeing where we put restraints on ourselves. So beauties I am so there with you on this one...interlace those fingers, point the thumbs up, palms to the heart and find that mudra of unshakeable trust. Build that confidence in yourself...you are stronger than you thing. You've so got this. And that's what I'm telling myself as well.

Transitions are bumpy....and life is full of transitions...hell it's just one big transition. Together we can take this bumpy ride together. Luckily we've got all of these amazing tools to keep us safe through all the bumps that we'll encounter. Let's use them and not just talk about them because they seem cool. Let's get into the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of ourselves and learn to love it all.  I'm on this journey with you!! 

From Sunny California to all of you I send you a big warm embrace!!


P.S. Pics below. :)

P.P.S.  Check out my schedule & events tab. I have some LA teaching dates coming up, some NYC workshops and teaching in July, and sign up for my mailing list to be updated when I post about Fall 2018 retreat as well as videos where we can practice together.

Love and light,
Justin